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Mama's Crown

Mama's crown- hand carved baboon with amethyst and Tiffany stone.  Original Available,  24"x48".  Prints available HERE

Email alison.grayson@gmail.com to purchase the original

 

She took quite longer than anticipated to complete and my connection to her became bittersweet.

Initially she was meant to be my series' third eye painting, but I met a lovely human right after I took the reference photo. The model's positioning was a little high for third eye, and I decided that I wanted to paint crown as I was falling in love.

I fell quickly, and the painting flowed readily. But things suddenly spiraled, and my reflection proved to be increasingly painful for him. We tried, god damn we tried, but ultimately he couldn't see himself in the world I want to live in, and he couldn't be good to either of us while living in his. He chose to stay in his conditioning, and I chose to keep creating my world. I found myself distancing myself from the painting, because finishing her would force me to accept that the connection was over.

I spent the night we split up in his arms, crying my heart out for everything he's gone though, for everything he's felt, and even more, for everything he's currently unable to feel. There was so much love in my tears, and in that awareness I finally cried myself to sleep. The sorrow I felt (and still feel) is wrapped into how thoroughly our society and the military can sever the masculine from their heart center, and how many of them don't believe they're capable of reconnecting - or don't see why they even should. I'm deeply familiar with my closeness to this particular sorrow, but this round brought a profound inner clarity to sever my connection to this pattern.

Through it all, the meaning of this painting stayed the same- unconditional love. I've learned more about my ability to love someone in their fullness without making it about myself than I could have imagined through this connection. None of this changes how much I love him, but letting go proves how much I love myself. The relationship ended several months ago, and slowly I poured that unconditional love into Mama and her Crown. She's ready to share now.